Giving the dream the slip.

New Mexico in April
High up on a cliff overlooking the desert. a hot hard wind pushing against my back. Enormous Rocks growing out of the red dirt like petrified mythical creatures. Two headed panthers and snakes and dragons. 2 ravens fly overhead bickering at each other tilting crazy like in the wind. And then the wind falls away. I close my eyes. For a brief second no sound at all. No chatter in my head. Nothing. Emptiness. And then the wind again but still only wind between my ears blowing away the thoughts  like dust.

New Mexico smells like hot baked sage even when it’s cold. The farm smells wet even when it’s dry.

Now am back at the farm and happy to be here and missing New Mexico all at once. the other morning I started to get all twirled around in my mind. Little tap tap tap of the grumps began to rise up and I started feeling all sad and blue, who knows why. (Maybe because I like the smell of hot baked sage better than wet cow poop, you know really urgent things like that.) Anyway, what ever the reason, I was really believing this grumpy mood.  I Believed it was serious and believed that the grumps were me.  (And probably my husbands fault if nothing else.)   And then remembered what Gini Gentry said when we were fiercely shining a light around in my shadows and talking about her work.  (or talking about remembering)

“We all bought into the dream honey, it’s just whether or not we’re willing to give the dream the slip.”

Oh yes, the slip, I thought. Yes, yes, that’s what I want to do. Give the dream the slip and find myself awake.    When I remembered that I also remembered that I’m not New Mexico or the farm and that my husband cannot create or take away my mood (darn, love to have someone to blame things on) and neither can the smell of cow poop. I turned away from the voices in my head that I’m so attached to and believe are me. I let there be silence. one brief second. and then the thoughts. and then a few more seconds of silence and before i knew it the grumps had slunk away and joy had crept in. I looked out the window at the softly budding trees and the calves gamboling around and my camera waiting for me with the last of the beloved Polaroid film.

Gini is the most wonderful teacher. Check out her blog.
www.dreamingdownheaven.blogspot.com

These images were taken outside Cerillos New Mexico and to follow are Herondale Farm.